the zhaf speaks

Sunday, August 31, 2003:

the passing of yet another week

sundae is typified by gratuitous amounts of slackin n doin nothin. todae was no different cept tt i'm actually extensively rewriting our 1st draft of pw n tryin to attain a sufficiently coherent n substantial cognisance of chem.

e less i think abt things, e easier it gets. mutin my inner philosopher has set me free, ignorance abt e shittiness of e human condition, my own condition, is bliss. juz goin out dere to live life n milk e moment for all its worth is e way to go. it's e only way for me to forget tt so mani things i do r intrinsically pointless, futile n time wastin. perhaps if we all ceased to ponder abt our existence den we'd be able to enjoy livin a little bit more.

n slow it all down. let me savour each n every moment juz abit longer. its all goin by too quickly.

we're e fast food generation n we want instant gratification. me bein a child of e times, i find myself unable to expend a decent level of effort for more den a few daes when it comes to most things.

too contradictory for my own gd.

sumthin will happen soon. sumthin earth shatterin. sumthin wif a potentially irrevocable effect on my life. either i will change or e world will change. perhaps bof will change, drastically. the wind of change, i feel it in e air.

fuck work. screw work. i'm not in e mood to do it animore. i'm at my wits end.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:09 am

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upheaval

somnolent sundae, with plenty of time on my hands. tweaked e place a little.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 2:31 am

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Friday, August 29, 2003:

lookin back

it wuz pretty darn fun. e most interestin ting tt i've done in awhile. i reeli enjoyed myself, n i hope u all did too. thank u to e cast n crew of players n e wiz, u all were fantabulously amazing! apologise for e times i've made tings hard for y'all, comin late or tokin crap n bein crappy :P esp milly who received e bulk of my suannin, no tuff feelins k? thank u for givin it ure all. so it's over, i sorta enjoyed e dinner at dialogue, we shud all get our much needed rest.

e cast of e wiz invited me to club wif dem. turned dem down, after all i haf trainin later. but regrettin it, cos i'm missed out on e chance to link up wif a grp of nice n fun ppl who tink, breathe n live out of e box n i dun tink i'll get another chance of dis sort for qt awhile. but as part of bball exco i do haf a responsibility to turn up for trainin. i noe where my priorities lie at e moment. however i do wonder if my future wud be appreciably altered had i chose clubbin wif dem over trainin.

n u, yes u. how wud u noe anitin. dey invited me. so dun come along n make ure wiseasscracks. i'm more into it den u ever will be. i'll haf my fun n within limits. dun judge it cos u've never tried it even once. dun be so presumptuous cos ure not e one who's there, i am.

aniwae tchr's dae concert wuz tolerable. more impt wuz e trip back to ri after tt. felt euphoric bein back dere. it's sad tt several of e better tchrs r gone, indra n kong for example. a conversation wif either is worth its weight in gold. but managed to see ocj, din manage more den a hug cuz he wuz bein swarmed by everyone. collected my olvl cert, silly laminated sheet tt i'll haf to keep carefully juz in case sum prospective employer wants to see it or crap liddat. played a spot of soccer n had a great time, esp laffin at amos trip on his own 2 feet (WTF??) hahahaha. truly felt like old times. ri rox n i'm bloody dissappointed i din make e best of it. i wanna eat e sumptuous 1buck nasi lemak, e golden kaya toast, to go even farther back i wanna guzzle 3-4 cups of cincau n feel bloated after tt. bball wif 4M n 4L ppl, soccer wif everyone. days when i cud doze off unruffled by a single tchr n in fully airconditioned classrooms. ri library is infinitely more comfy den e rj library, i'll prob head dere to finish up my promo muggin in october. days when me n frens wud blast music on my boombox in class. soccer in e area outside lt2+3 on e 3rd floor. detention wif matthew endin up as a tok kok session instead of punishment. haha. will cherish all dose memories n hope i leave rj wif half as many. gettin a move on now.i hate havin regrets. it's so hard to silence ure mind, esp when it's voicin all ure regrets. wanna put it all behind me, close e door behind me, lock it n smelt e keys.

reminder:watch it, watch out (dis goes out to sum of u, n to myself especially)

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:37 am

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Wednesday, August 27, 2003:

not out of e woods, yet

but i'm halfwae thru dis part of my journey. 2 more nights of performances. 2 more subjects tests nxt wk. hmm.

like sugar ray rocks. in e pursuit of leisure is a great album. my fav... it's so easy!

qt happy tt my body n immune system r holdin out despite e late nites, jam packed schedule n stress. guess hell's maw isnt tt bad after all.

it's been awhile since i've had a long expanse of free time at my disposal. movies, sushi, bball, sprinkle in a wee bit of studyin n of cos how cud i forget, add in pool liberally to spice things up.

trainin todae wuz an eye opener. a whole slew of new drills to make sure e shape up. surprisingly everyone turned up todae, even if late or even if ppl like me had to leave early. qt farny seein each other psychomotor e guailan layup drills... dere exists a gulf of epic proportions between wat i dream of us doin n wat we're currently doin. doubts linger in my mind, perhaps in yours too. do put dem aside, it's hard i noe, but we have to, we must and we will render our dreams tangible.

well take ure rhetoric n stuff it up ure ass, which is where it came from i tink. u can't convince me, nor anione else for tt matter. no cold hard facts, no evidence. insinuatin,callow and halfwitted is all u r. if u reeli tink anitin u sae n tink is worth a gram of salt den by all means i'm owaes ard to settle things wif ya. but den again u lack e courage to confront me n ureself n e honesty to see things for wat dey truly r. reality isn't sum warped figment of ure imagination bub. stand up for wat u belif to be true, prove me wrong.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:56 am

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Monday, August 25, 2003:

relax

is wat i'm tryin to do, after tt run in wif my parents. get off my case, it's my life n i noe exactly wat i wanna do wif it. at e very least u cud stop tryin to rearrange e stuff in my room, it's my room after all. buzz off.

wasted a lifetime tryin to search for tt 1 piece of paper. curses, look at e bloody time, muz centre myself n focus cos i'm gonna get e full monty tmr. math lect test, econs essay (overdue), gp compre (2 wks overdue) n e openin of our play.
lemme blog abit bfore my normally subdued sense of responsibility acts up n compels me to get down to doin work.

skived econs todae, chanced upon renyu in e canteen, carryin my older bro's bass guitar wif him. lent him e guitar wayyy back in jan, neva cud be bothered to get it back. aniwae he wuz juz waitin for e tchr's dae rehearsal to start n tryin to put his thoughts down on paper, in his journal. sat down n juz idly discussed lotsa stuff wif him.

my heart bled when renyu told me bout dis acjc boy, one of e trio of president's scholars dis yr. he wuz offered a bondfree scholarship to study medicine at imperial college london. but wif ns regulations n watnot he cudn accept straightawae, he asked for deferment but din get it. dis all happens bfore he's awarded e president's scholarship. but now tt he's gotten it he's allowed deferment but e deadline for acceptin e scholarship's gone by. like WTF? now he's doin medicine in NUS. which is terribly sad and a bloody waste too.

i wonder if s'pore's administrators ever gaf real thot to maximisin ppl potential. we've had enuff of ure bureacracy n ure tight-assedness. u've deprived one of ure best n brightest, stifled him, stopped him from growin. it's more den probable tt he'd learn so very much more in london den in stuffy, stifling, serious-to-a-fault singapore. aniwae i do wish him all e best, i'm sure he'll make e best of wat he's been given (which is far less den wat he shud be gettin).

everythin's juz so restrictive n stiflin here. like in nus e combined basic medical degree + phd program takes abt 8yrs to complete. it gets better, u've a shitty bond to serve after tt even if u pay out of ure own pocket. at cambridge a reeli smart guy cud do e same in abt 4.5-5yrs, wifout a shitty bond to serve, tho admittedly e costs are several notches higher. but seriously, e system here is alwaes tryin to drag us down to earth n stop us from soarin abit higher.

well n renyu's uncle thinks there is no future here for us in s'pore. go overseas to study, in fact dun come back. i dun noe reeli, i haven't seen e whole picture yet. but i do think s'pore will face tuff times ahead. it'll be pretty hard for us to make gd money after we're done wif uni, even if we're equipped wif degrees from overseas, i think. it'd be qt sad if collectively we all decide to gif up on s'pore tho. if in e future i emigrate, wud i be a traitor, a turncoat?

well if u can't beat dem, join dem. alwaes wanted to break free, alwaes wanted to fly awae for a short stint, get a degree n come back. but hurdles juz kept gettin in my wae, each one higher den e previous one. went over all of dem, cept tt everest-like hurdle, awry finances. so now i gotta commit myself to gettin thru dis, makin it thru jc n doin it well, wif As n sterling cca record strung together juz like pearls on a necklace (hopefully). will haf to aniwae, cos i got my sucky results back. well at least i qualify for e uni of london external degree program, shud i do BSc bankin&finance or BSc econs? hmm.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 7:28 am

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Saturday, August 23, 2003:

bite dis

man u smacks newcastle 2-1. HAH
*victory dance*
yes i noe we've won e battle, not e war. but e pt is, we will.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:44 am

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Friday, August 22, 2003:

dun hide

e meanin of ure communication is e response u get. so true. hello is an utterly simple word to mouth, but there r so mani different ways to do it, a whole spectrum of different nuances of feelin tt can be conveyed. a whole gradation of intensity tt u can control almost like a radio dial to reach out to someone. wat u sae is only e tip of e iceberg, wat u mean is so very much more. we shud try to sae wad we mean n mean wad we sae, cos i tink we dun do enuff of it. in a word, sincerity.

i grow weary of e policy of avoidance so mani ppl adopt. okae avoidance sums it up inaptly, more like dey do want to sae sumthin to u, but dey juz run u round in circles n neva eva get to e pt. y? fear of embarrasin themselves and/or u. in e end u've simply wasted ure breath, sayin 10 times more den necessary, often not conveyin e intended msg. i dun mean u shud display brusque frankness all e time, a pinch of subtlety is needed cos e other party's feelins haf to be taken into consideration. but still e msg shud be put across one wae or another.. put it across bluntly, neutrally, wifout a hint of malice. den hope dey r mature enuff not to take wat u sae on a personal level n dat dey r open to change.

opportunities are coming by, but i reeli need to think thru dem all, decide which ones will be worth my time n of e most value to me. call me machiavellian n calculative but time is a precious commodity. i don't haf e luxury to throw myself all over e place. as for e ones i'm pursuin it's gradually bein made clear to me tt i'll haf to increase my efforts tenfold. when u take e plunge, go all e wae cos u wun gain much from puttin in a half hashed effort. there's alot i wanna do. there's so much i wanna grab hold of, but it's a long trek up e mountain. i end up so exhausted n drained sumtimes.

shan't hope for too much, dun wanna set myself up for a painful return to reality. but shan't dampen my hopes n end up gettin less from myself n not doin myself justice. like u want it, u reeli want it alot. but keep in mind u dun need it. it's not a matter of life n death. it wud juz... be nice to haf it. yea.

e rehearsal of our play at srt went pretty well, realise i haf to go back n reeli run thru everythin so my parts attain a smoother flow. it'll be fun, it'll be one helluva experience. 4 nites in a row... nothin i've done to date comes close. hmm who shall i gif my complimentary ticket...

enjoyed myself juz sittin down wif e other players, juz chattin over dinner, listenin to e latest rumours, makin fun of sx, bein made fun of, verifyin e latest rumours, simply laughin. watched e wiz, which is e main thing, a musical, our play simply bein a short preliminary. boy e cast of e wiz is DARNED GD. energetic, spontaneous, bubbly, articulate n wonderful... u juz feel dem come off e stage n right at u, very in ure face. we reeli lack tt, bein so inexperienced n all. drama's an enrichin experience, i wudn mind doin a few plays every now n den doin minor roles.

confused somewat. mebbe i'm not sure abt it ani more. a lack of faith on my part? probably. it's gd tt i go thru it now. aniwae dere are no compellin reasons to head in either direction. status quo seems to be a highly viable option at e moment. so be it den.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:16 am

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Thursday, August 21, 2003:

You are a phoenix.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 6:42 pm

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dreamweaver

wish i cud weave my dreams wif my own two hands. i remember when lucid dreamin came easily, i cud steer my dreams in any direction i wanted to. i cud be, do, see, feel, experience anitin n everythin. so yes i've started dreamin again. but of all e dreary things in life to dream abt, i'm dreamin abt sch... wtf.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 6:59 am

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grr

hmm from observation, 10 dollars isn't enuff to get a hairdresser to understand english. even when i very clearly told her to "leave e sideburns" n "dont slope e back" she decided to take liberties wif my hair. i mean, 10 dollars isn't peanuts, u cud at least respect ure customer's wishes. dis is e upteenth time dis has happened, decent haircut for less than 20 bux... wishful thinkin.
scru u bitch u've reeli ruined my dae n my mood when i wuz feelin pretty gd. juz becos i can't bloody speak chinese duzn mean u've e right to trivialise my instructions. _|_ -.- _|_

when i tink abt it, i had more den a handful of crap todae. wakin up on e bus to sch to find myself at clementi, stomachache in e mornin, bein ruffed ard durin pe. but it's small stuff so i shudn sweat it yea? but i juz cannot tahan tt shitty hairdresser. TAMADE

on e bright side i'll consume less shampoo :P i mean, now my hair's shorter den my bro, n he's in ns.

sch'll end early tmr, which is gd cos it's abt time i settled my miscellaneous details, register for dis n dat, buy dis n dat, see e dentist, etc.

our intended destination looms on e horizon, but it's still so very far awae. will we ever get dere? i hope so, but i'm hopin against hope cos we aren't very speedy at e moment. slow n steady wins e race dey sae, bullshit, in dis world n age it's life in e fast lane. i mean pick ureselves up n go. den mebbe i'll haf a reason to pick myself up too, cos it'd be futile for ani of us to go on alone, we're a team remember... yea i realise we're victims of circumstance, but make time to train k... on your own if u can't make it for e normal sessions. n pls la jack it'd make alot more sense to schedule trainins on a wkdae when we all can make it. havin guangyi ard on sat is useless if only 2-3 of us r ard. it's abt us, NOT him.

it'll be better tmr. i think. another day for me to gif it another shot, to try n get it rite.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 6:45 am

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Wednesday, August 20, 2003:

wtf

stupid brain juz had to recall there's pw to do.
e world seems a darker shade of grey oredi.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:07 am

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shit my com

stupid slow piece of shit tt hangs at e slightest provocation. u'll be condemned to e scrapyard in e near future... hah.

my first game of handball todae! orgasmically enjoyable, esp when i scored my first goal :) thought we cud play abit fairer, less physical n all, n stop tryin to smack e ball out of ppl's hands :P but yea more handball for double pe tmr... superb la! btw qiantai is a frikkin gd handball goalkee...

todae has reaffirmed my belief more den ever tt most tchrs cant do their jobs. tt we shud all resort to self-teachin cuz, it reeli is e way to go. i mean despite my skivin n sleepin i still manage to cope. y? cuz txtbks exist. n u can learn from dem. bah. scru u tchrs, takin e credit for rj's glorious alvl results when u noe u've done little to contribute to ure students' sterling performances.

all ard me i see frens n acquaintances broken or on e brink. e stress seems to get to so mani ppl. dun see y it has to tho. i mean look, u all complain abt how promos r bloody near, but look at it objectively... 50 or so daes awae, tt's plenty of time dudes. hmwk? stop procrastinatin n get down to doin it lor. we dun haf much when u tink abt it. jc life borin? yea try to do sumthin to liven things up. u create e meanin in ure life. dun wallow in despondency. get up n do sumthin abt it.

but i dunno. i mean wateva e situation is, it's fine wif me. suay pian lor. i mean like, i like havin less to do, tt wae i haf more time to slack n sleep. but if i haf stuff to do, den great cos i'm learnin, i'm growin, it'll keep me out of trouble, makes sure i dun degenerate n indulge in self-destructive thoughts. if i haf too much to do, well wat duzn kill u can only make u stronger. enjoy e present for wat it is. but tt duzn mean if things r bad i juz let dem go on, i'll do sumthin to try n change things for e better. well i let intuition decide wat to do. life's a bitch. but it aint tt bad. tell ureself u will be strong enough, forgivin enough, tough enuff to weather e storm n e hail hurled in ure direction. can't get me down. not now, not ever.

e more i tink abt it e more i realise it starts from me. n tt's y it's so hard to tok to u. e awkwardness, isit simply imagined or isit real? i tell myself i'll wait for everythin to be juz nice. in tt case den nothin will happen cos i'll be frozen on e spot, waitin forever cos it'll neva be juz nice. but e pt is, there reeli isn't a need for me to do anitin. cos it duzn reeli matter to me. mebbe tt's e way to go. i'll take it easy n mebbe e inhibitions will dissappear.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:04 am

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new day, new discovery

our world tends toward disorder n chaos. only by expendin inordinately high amounts of energy can we hope to stem e tide.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 5:55 am

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Tuesday, August 19, 2003:

defunct

blogger's rather problematic sumtimes. contemplatin a change to a diff host.

bfore i forget i simply muz mention e trip home on mon. mondaes nowadaes seem to haf lost their negative trappins omost completely. nelled wif zepeng(chen) and samuel(lim). for e uninitiated, nel is e north-east mrt line. aniwae great crappers dose 2. together us 3 stooges contrived all sorts of punishin puns to pass e time. perpetual persiflagation n great exercise for e stomach muscles since we cudn stop laffin.
it started out sumthin like dis...
me:so how r we goin home?
samuel: nel (pronounce it like u'd pronounce e 1st syllable of nelly)
me:y? listen too much nelly isit? (u noe tt black rnb kia)
zepeng:like ya it's gettin hot in here, lets get outta here
wat can i sae man... erps
another gem... den again on 2nd thought better not.

den todae it wuz 147 ride home wif jenn riO (haha forgive my use of ure dialect name). amused ourselves watchin singapore's brainiest kids

qn:how does e coconut tree disperse its seeds?
ans (by sum smart kid, affirmatively n wif much ardour): WIND
gd job boy, gd job. i'm startin to feel optimistic bout our nation's future.
another one...
qn:how many 20 min periods r there in 4 hours?
ans (dis boy is reeli a human calculator): 120
u noe wad e host called dem? intellectual gladiators
woo hoo. lol.

hmm haha lots of farny shit happenin.
durin chem o lect e desktop projected on e screen had a pic of e tchr's baby.
matt to chem o tchr:wow ure baby's so cute, how old is she?
tchr:juz a few months old... y? how long r u willin to wait for her?
LOLZ

math chem n bio nxt wk. will get my a's so tt dad'll be abit more lax on me. hah.

played bball after chem o todae... till it wuz dam dark n we were, for all means n purposes, playin blind. n thanx so much for ure pointers todae jenn rio ^_^

e sandman comic series is enormously engrossing n enjoyable? read bk 9 todae, e kindly ones. a must have series for dose willin to take e plunge n decipher it all.

n yes. wat wud u haf me do? pray tell me tt i mite noe n embark on a course of action. i can anticipate u no more and i am no telepath. tt u wud be happy n i satisfied n proud to haf done my duty to u.

whose life is it aniwae? watched tt movie durin gp todae. man is paralysed neck down in an automobile accident. fully understandin e implications of his plight, he greatly desires death. for to him, he is no longer alive as he can no longer function independently. e hospital n its lead doctor will not allow it tho. arguin tt hes entered a state of clinical depression due to his situation, e doctors will not give him e death he so desires.
bloody thought provokin but it's damn late and i'm exhausted.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:28 am

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Sunday, August 17, 2003:

shitez

shit u sandman. reeli, shit u. y do u deny me entry into ure realm.
it's been an eternity since i've had a dream, good or bad. dreams make reality a wee bit more tolerable. don't think i need dem, but it's nice to have the occasional dream. however one whole month without a dream is tellin me tt sumthin is horrendously amiss. hmm

pooled yest wif sx. despite wat he sez, i still tink 8ball is as fair a test of skill as 9ball is. sori i forgot abt 9ball totally yest :P
wandered ard orchard bfore i met rums to pass e time n go home... reeli tired she was, in much more den e physical sense. e past wk has been topsy turvy, but things will get better yea :)

woke up bloody earli dis mornin when gab called me. hopped onto a cab to e airport to see our dear president scholar ronald tong off. on e way i hurriedly penned a letter cos i knew i'd be at a loss for words later on seein him in person, overwhelmed by emotion n all. will never ever ever forget how he jazzed up orientation for ge'fjeonn n made a difference in each n every one of our lives. thank you ron, see you when u get back nxt yr ^_^

had a bfast tt wuz overdue bfore troopin down to orchard wif clara, gab n em. em as usual took a bus home from orchard while e 3 of us headed down to borders. ended up readin CRAPPY books like captain underpants n e coxford singlish dictionary (view it online here...). but of cos i balanced it out by glancin thru sum phys chem txt which i struggled to make sense of. annoyin how in higher science expeditious n extensive use of adv math is required.

tink i noe y my arm hurts, i slept on my right side so circulation got cut off. so pushin thru e pain to write n do pushups eventually caused e pain to subside... n finally, started typin out pw stuff. e first step on e arduous road to liberation from pw hell. plenty of backlogged hmwk to clear still.

shoes n bball disintegratin. it's time to make a pilgrimage to queensway soon.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 7:31 am

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damn

the pain in my right shoulder. not sharp or particularly intense, but it duzn seem to want to go away. can't say it's muscle ache, e feelin duzn typify it as tt. but it's been there in e background since late mornin, an indignant dull throbbin tt refuses to fade away. which reminds me i shud start doin upper body weights soon...

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 5:02 am

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Friday, August 15, 2003:

erps

haha e OH partner dance is qt amusin.

btw i feel so crap abt not doin anitin. bout lettin e moment slip thru my fingers. bout juz standin dere, watchin e world go by. bout bein tied down by inertia and fear. bout wonderin so much abt wat everyone else wud tink n sae if i did. one opportunity gone and even if i wax lyrical abt makin e most of e nxt, i mite not.

it's rainin now. angels' tears sum ppl sae. to e more scientific among us juz another component of e hydrological cycle. rainy daes juz make u sleepy don't dey? hmm i've neva danced in e rain, but i've run n played sports in it bfore. haha 2 contradictin statements. rain is rather romantic, recall dose tearjerker scenes from soap operas when she's threatenin to leave, den e guy goes down on his knees and pleads n begs, apologises n asks for a 2nd chance. yea rite, in real life ppl rnt dumb enuff to let e melodrama happen on e bare pavement.

realise a whole lot happened yest. e j4s came back to plae bball. n boy dey r bloody skilled. had no choice but to up my game when i played wif dem, it's obvious y dey clinched e gold back when dey were in rj. e picture is almost complete. we noe where we need to go. we juz need ppl to bother n to care n most of all to believe. perhaps den we can fashion our dreams into reality.

watched guitar concert, haha got a free ticket :) sat wif abt 8 or so of us from e class, wif another 7 performin. wat can i sae we rox! nice music, great company, n lots of laffs. haha mebbe we can do a class item again nxt yr ^_^
went to supp wif dominic after tt. obtained much needed sustenance at macs since i hadn eaten since 11am or so. talked abt so very many things over supp n durin e journey home. 2 yrs for jc is far too short. u dun get enuff time to explore ure options n do wat u truly wanna do. e time goes by n bfore u noe it ure facin promos in j1. not too far on e prelims n alvls come. f-ed up is wat it is. instead of 4yrs secsch n 2yrs jc... y not 3-3? we feel stifled, but it is tolerable. such a short n intense 2yrs, possibly e most intense in our lives? mebbe tt's y my seniors look back n sae tt e 2yrs in jc were e best yrs of their lives. but honestly it's hard for most of us to think tt wae now, when we're knee deep in a morass of commitments n responsibilities.

haha had a nice tok on e fone wif clara. n e dae bfore wif rums. seems i don't speak on e telephone much animore. realise i shud tho, e burden i carry seems to diminish n sometimes fade into nothingness after a cathartic session on e fone. :P

ack sore throat. hate it.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 8:05 pm

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zzzzzzzzzzzz

too tired to speak at length.
nxt time when my eyelids don't feel like they're tied to e floor

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:48 am

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Thursday, August 14, 2003:

MUGGERS!!!

hmm i shudn be too surprised, noticed tt apart from e j2s... tons of j1s haf started hittin e bks. scary. lax, promos is wad... 50 odd daes awae...

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:30 am

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back in time

went to e sickbay to nap for awhile. happened to look thru e stack of sickbay forms, guess whose form i found? hahaha yes tim's... like way back from first 3 months. as i picked it up i wuz transported back in time. to e old days (okae not tt old when u tink abt it). still remember accompanyin him to e sick bay n all, worryin if he wuz all rite, den realisin tt tim bein tim would be fine n so stopped worryin. after tt i sort of ran thru all e memories of e times i haf wif tim durin his short stay in rj... miss e guy... miss everyone who left for other jcs... n will miss e ppl who r leavin ard dis time to study overseas... sigh

wuz juz amazed how one simple sickbay form cud trigger so much in my head.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 8:57 am

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Wednesday, August 13, 2003:

weather forecast

predicts tt we haf rainy days ahead. drats.

i hope u realise tt i sincerely meant wat i sed in tt msg last nite. i'm very very sorry. indirectly it is my fault if u tink abt it. i dunno how to make it up to ya, so fill me in on how to...

sleep. e ultimate panacea. for me at least. n mebbe tt's y i need it now, more den ever. cos there's a bloody hell lot of tings goin thru my mind now. n my conscious mind can't cope. n tt's y i need sleep. cos den e subterranean layers of consciousness take e reins of my mind n figure it all out for me.

lookin back on e months tt haf passed, it all seems so surreal. sandwiched between e layers of reality past n present i find myself limited, stifled, crushed.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 8:02 am

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Tuesday, August 12, 2003:

nothin at all. yep, nothin at all. tt's wat i noe

the more u noe, the more u realise tt u noe nothin. nothin here's a relative term tho. well u do noe sumthin, but it is simply e tip of e iceberg. to clarify things further imagine e tip is as small as a full stop and e iceberg is as big as microsoft. yea tt's abt how much we all noe n don't know. but surprisingly knowin tt little dot of knowledge is enuff to get us thru daily life.

knowledge is power. then by deduction we're all powerless becos... we know so little? think abt it, God is all powerful, He knows all. we haf to know more to haf more power. know someone's secrets and u attain a certain degree of leverage over dem. understand e political intricacies of social structure n u'll find a wae to work ure wae up rapidly. so on, so forth. hmm.

but then... muggers would hold all power... but e pt is dey don't... hmm a gd reason to dispense wif e theory tt knowledge is power. but on closer examination, u realise tt muggers do often reach lofty positions in society, grab scholarships provided dey haf sumwat sterling cca records. u cud counter dis by citing examples of e ppl who've never had a tertiary education like sim wong hoo or bill gates. abraham lincoln never had a day in sch. but still dey had to possess sum form of knowledge tt gaf dem e edge. knowledge duzn owaes come in e conventional written form. u haf streetsmarts too, or intuitive knowledge of ppl, etc. most of all dey prob knew e value of hard work or knew how to slack n get awae wif it.

so perhaps knowledge duz gif rise to power, provided it is of reasonable quality. quality over quantity? perhaps. but think abt it, e 2 are not close substitutes. sometimes u need plenty of both. it is e sheer quantity of knowledge we possess todae tt enables e modern world to run seemingly seamlessly. it is e quality of e knowledge of e stock market tt enables investors like george soros to seemingly make money at their whim n fancy.

so schmuck, face it we can't noe it all. but we do need to noe sumthin. n tt sumthin shud be of reasonable worth at e very least. e painful lessons from a failed relationship. e gems of wisdom tt lie hidden in ure parents nagging. how to drive a car (boy i can't hardly wait to turn 18). intimate knowledge of those closest to u. stress management skills. study skills. yea wateva.

gotta go out there, get all e valuable info. empower ureself, get ahead in life. but i can't be bothered at e moment. most of us aren't. so tt's y we're stuck in a rut mostly. not sayin we shudn be happy wif wat we haf, juz tt dere's no harm in aiming for more. hmm talk is cheap, i wonder if i'll ever get down to it. cos time is a price i'm not reeli willing to pay.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 6:07 am

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Monday, August 11, 2003:

rotfl

sayin it duzn make it so buddy.
u can't get me down ^_^
ure immaturity and shallowness is pitiful.

hmm it's abt time we got a new computer. 566mhz n 64mb ram n no 3d card makes for a less than satisfactory gamin experience. well patience, shall wait till e end of e yr for prices to take a nosedive.

lots of ppl haf started preparin for promos. not a luxury i can afford at e moment, too mani other things to do at e moment. i've never been one to start so earli aniwae. when e challenge is but a few paces awae is when i start preparin, cos den e adrenalin flows freely n e inertia simply vanishes. ure senses heightened ure body tireless it all comes together. let e current take u awae, it will take u to ure intended destination. only den duz sumthin as burdensome as studyin become effortless.
but then i realise i'm speakin from past experience. sec sch exams n jc exams r fundamentally different. but well i've no intention of changin my methods, come hell or highwater. perhaps tt will be my downfall. we'll see...

wat a slack bio remedial btw. do 3 qns den can siam. rite. seriously regret not doin e bare minimum to pass. wastin precious time now.
gosh tt freudian slip durin rehearsal... brain too drained to make sense... i'll make it up sumhow...

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:28 am

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Sunday, August 10, 2003:

closing time

time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

chanced upon jonny beng in e lit section at kino. exactly e same location i bumped into him 3-4 wks ago n to top it off, he wuz wearin exactly e same clothes as tt time.
20% off storewide at kino, pity i had precious little in my wallet. bought sum bio txt n torso, a true crime graphic novel (aka comic). e latter purchase is rather macabre, yet thoroughly fascinating... a masterpiece of e framed artform.
walkin ard e store dere were so mani tings i wanted to buy, butonly 80bux to spend.
some of e tings i wanna buy...
sandman (10 volumes) - $300+
X manga (last 11 volumes) - $90+
akira (5 volumes) - $200+
lone wolf n cub (last 14 volumes) - $200+
total it up n u realise it's a shitload of money. erps.
i reeli shud stick to one-volume comics. faster, n cheaper. n u dun owaes need 10+ volumes to get it all thru.

closing time, e end of e week.
not closing time for me tho, there's lots of work to be done.

well it's mondae. it'll be another busy wk for sure. but it'll be a gd wk.

i don't reeli noe where dis is goin. n i don't noe where dis shud go either. hmm guess i'll juz sit, watch n wait. like i owaes do. let go and simply fade into obscurity.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 8:50 am

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Saturday, August 09, 2003:

enough

y do u indulge in dis? if ure gettin kicks from dis, den go ahead it sez enuff abt u. juz dun pose as sumone ure not. it's bloody rude n cowardly. haf ure go at me, but dun drag anione else in... if u haf sumthin against me, den go against me. dun b a coward n use a name tt isnt ures.

well tt wuz a stark contrast to e great time i had wif red n howard todae. pooled wif howard bfore red came along n indiscriminately unleashed a barrage of unadultered crap on unsuspectin howard n me. needless to sae we enjoyed ourselves immensely ^_^

discussed amusin stuff we've watched recently... red dls alot of standup comedy, howard's been doin sum time wif southpark, n i muz sae ali g is hilarious.
ate wif dem at macs which brings my grand total for cheeseburgers todae to 7. urps no wonder my throat's goin haywire. btw it's amazin how red is so darn gd at coercin u to hand over food to him.

waitin for our movie we passed e time at e arcade at ps... my first time playin marvel vs capcom 2 in eons. needless to sae i'm rusty. at least got onto e top10 high score list ^_^ wanted to plae photo hunt but e machines were perpetually occupied. shat.

hmm we wanted to sneak into bad boys2 but realised e bad boys2 theatre wuz rite at e other frickin end of ps-gv. so we tried to enter e secretary theatre to no avail. us 3 stooges were caught by some beng beng kia movie attendant. damn. nvm we shall try balestier nxt wk.
haha red's dad sent us all home, he drove qt fast. 110+km/h down e freewae wuz qt exhilarating. can't wait to get my license nxt yr... speed down ecp at 140+.

cypher. red loved it. howard thought it din haf a point. i'm reservin my judgment. e premise wuz gd n it showed enormous potential at e beginnin. e conspiracy within a conspiracy within a conspiracy wuz excellent, cept for e fact tt we never found out wat e 2 rival companies reeli wanted. to quote howard, "doin a bit too much juz for e sake of profit maximisation". erps.
n did e protagonist go thru all of tt juz to... get tt one piece of info? i still reserve my judgment. i haf to watch it a 2nd time.
it's interestin how e movie began in greyscale n slowly colours were added gradually as time went on.
red thought it wuz a masterpiece. howard thought it wuz a lame attempt at pseudo-intellectuallism. n i still dunno wat it is. i kinda side wif red abit more tho...
go watch it, it's qt a mindfuck, to quote red...
it's definitely interestin, tho not entirely original since some parts seemed like a reiteration of e matrix. watch it!

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 12:38 pm

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bon voyage

till we meet again matt. hope u like e shirt and e mat (tt's not my fault... blame hanyan) we bought for ya :)

as our lives change
come whatever
we will still be
friends forever

fought back tears as i whispered tt in ure ear, glad i din break. din wanna make it harder den it oredi was for u, seein ure gal n ure frens in tears...
yea we'll be waitin for ya... 2 yrs isn't tt long... rite? ^_^
so cya on e flip side, hope ya enjoy ure stay in shanghai n goin to e american sch dere.

bfasted at bk wif e og ppl who came... gab gn, hanyan, clara, em n hongyi after which proceeded to kino wif hongyi n clara. congrats clara on spendin e first 10% of ure scholarship money. u bought like 321482343413 bks pls, haf fun readin

hmm todae's nat dae, happy 38th s'pore. u've weathered many storms, however i tink e nxt decade will be a rather tricky 10 yrs.
hmm i tink my older bro's involved in e logistical part of ndp... one of e mp-men keepin e crowd in order.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 2:35 am

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Friday, August 08, 2003:

idle contemplation

to a certain extent, sch wuz fun todae. prob had smthin to do wif e absence of lessons...
congrats to med fac on puttin on a gd show todae, e home stretch of ifg~

went for pool wif junyuan fabian n zhikai. den wuz thinkin of catchin a movie but ended up havin quiet time at kino wif tim.
it's clear tt physical presence n proximity makes a world of difference. n tt is y my world lacks a certain sumthin wifout my steady buddies who left after e 1st term.
i'd like to think i haf enuff ard me at e moment, but i can't help but beg e qn, what if? what if dey hadn left? abit more sunshine in e mornins, n a few more souls to pass e time wif when i'm slackin off.

i havent been home dis earli on fridae in qt awhile. uneasy. unsettled. i mite even end up catchin midnite movie wif howard or sumone. sleep wun come easy. do tt now n i'll be up later on... prob till e wee hours of e mornin.
my life's too high tempo, says tim. is it? prob not, i'd be burned out by now if it were.
we were discussin someone. let someone be x. x reeli longs for freedom. not in e sense of freedom to go out n all, x's parents are liberal in tt respect. x needs to feel free from e trappings of routine. hmm on a more mundane level, x oso wants more financial independence. i tink x needs sumthin to aim for, sum purpose in life, sumthin small, yet bigger den "i wanna get thru todae"
x reeli has large amts of free time. but x duzn do much wif it, usually. which leads to x indulgin in rumination. rumination is reflection, but very negatively angled. which we presume makes x sumwat unsatisfied wif e way tings are. tim sez x is walkin e road to self-destruction, n will prob only wake up after experiencin a self-destruction of sorts.
x wants to be free, but is far too dependent on... everythin. x wud be free if only x would unlock e chains of abject apathy weighin x down. if x cud up e pace n do more stuff, perhaps x wud be liberated. x is a prisoner of purposelessness (okae i wonder if i got tt rite). havin more to do, more to shake things up would enable x to break free of e rumination n self-destruction tt manifests itself in x's seemingly perpetual lethargy n susceptibility to disease. tim n i haf been tryin to reach out to x, to no avail it seems. we'll keep tryin. x, if u noe who u r, we're here for u. not juz e 2 of us, all ure other pals too... so yea do reach out sumtimes.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 4:54 am

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Thursday, August 07, 2003:

*koff

stupid sore throat.

ha ate my fill todae. great company, great food ^_^
window shoppin is surprisingly taxing, wonder how u all can sometimes do it for hours... n hours... n hours

on e bus to orchard todae had a truly interestin conversation wif josh(lam). guess we all r searchin, n i can see ure tryin very hard. we can't see e forest for e trees usually, incapable of tt even it follows tt its not our place to understand e grand order of things, e universe in totality. we can't, cos we're only human. grapplin wif existential qns... sumwat pointless. futile indeed cos we're all too limited. intellectually indulgent cos there reeli aren't ani answers to be found. not in dis lifetime aniwae.
but still its gd to noe ure searchin. lets keep walkin e road of life josh.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 8:49 am

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Wednesday, August 06, 2003:

ponderance

hmm e crackdown on filesharin in s'pore shook me abit. den i remembered, there's alwaes trusty ol' mirc, e ultimate file poaching tool.

half days are here, rejoice (no pls dun use tt shampoo there r better brands ard). time to havoc, plae pool till happy n steady. eat until chao happy. set.
but sat's creepin ever closer. den i'll haf to see matthias off. sigh... wish u din haf to go bro... :(

if life were juz one gigantic bubble bath, den we'd be e small bubbles. every now n den we'd coalesce, join up wif another bubble or two... and after e bubble bath's been shaken e bubbles separate, n we go our separate ways.
one of e most interestin things i've heard is tt nothin happens by chance. absolutely nothin. coincidence duzn exist. tt everythin is a result of e physical manifestation of a thought in sumone's mind. malicious, happy, crazy, wateva. think abt it, everythin we see ard us originates from e deep recesses of e mind of some inventor, scientist, designer, etc... some visionary. mebbe it's only when u've reeli believed sumthin so very truly in ure mind tt it has ani slim chance of materialisin in reality. hmm. wifout bein able to see ure future clearly in ure mind, if it's hazy, den ure life follows accordingly, and u become nothin more den a drifter. lenses for the mind's eye... i need a pair of those now.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 8:50 am

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Tuesday, August 05, 2003:

can't stop

i feel myself inexorably drawn to you. alas, resistance is futile. enraptured i can do nothin but follow e voice in my heart, for my mind no longer holds sway.
i've said it bfore, i'll say it again.

maybe, just maybe, i ---- you
falling, this time i can't stop it

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 8:54 am

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bdaes many many

hehheh... happy bdae to junren, nad, pek, zepeng, shite did i miss out anione... erm erm... hope not. yea many happy returns :) hope u enjoy e remainin time in jc ^_^

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 7:54 am

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hmm

there's a load off my mind for e moment.
it is apparent tt things won't be windin down as early as i hoped. it's confirmed we're doin players wif spore repertory theatre. thoroughly excited at e prospect of havin proper lightin n all. it's gd e rehearsals won't eat up too much time, juz 4 daes of performances in a row... which will be a strain of cos, but we'll manage.

so i've caught up wif everythin, cept for pw i guess. wakin up on wed mornin n knowin tt pw period is e first ting tt happens in sch on tt dae makes the journey to sch feel like e descent into hades. far too much to be done.
which reminds me tt i'm tied down wif qt a number of other hefty assignments. erps.

hmm how do u reconcile dis. u want sumthin pretty much. at e same time ure laid back in ure pursuit of it. after all it's not like u need it, it wud simply be nice to haf it. perhaps to continue thru life wif dis mindset will be my own downfall.

btw to e spammers, i believe dere r more pressin things in ure lives tt need addressin, so do stop wastin time, both mine and ures.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 5:57 am

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Monday, August 04, 2003:

to the impersonators

hahaha. lots of entertainment value for me. gd try...

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 5:07 am

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monday blues?

hmm guess some mondaes do turn into fundaes.

well mebbe e day started abit off, i woke up far too late to take 156 so hopped onto a taxi to get to sch n yet again woke up wif my throat feelin parched.
mebbe it wuz a gd ting i quelled my yearnings to stay in bed todae, cos i wud haf missed so very much if i had stayed at home or so it seems.
haha wuz kinda feelin envious of dose ppl skippin todae to film e corporate video for raffles throughtrain... but in e end goin out for sch more den made up for e dreary hours spent in sch.
haha yes i've finally tasted chawanmushi (or isit cawanmushi...), nice ^_^. went to eat sushi wif rums, kinda lucky tt a blunder on their side basically allowed us to cut our costs by half... haha rums wanted to exchange a bk she bought yest, but forgot to bring e receipt. oopS~. cudn find her lit bk either... bof kino n borders din haf it. k there's oso dis new ice cream place at tangs underground... they stock lots n lots of flavours, n it tastes bloody nice (though it's abit of a strain on e wallet...). problem is i forgot e name of e place...
walking thru e underpass to take e mrt home, chanced upon e sdp sellin party newspapers. i've seen dem ard quite a few times, but juz walked on by. but todae i decided to see if their opinions n viewpoints r worth knowing, so i bought a paper from them... supp to sell at 3, but i got it at 2 (student discount). must sae it is quite interesting. though i take it in with a large amount of salt. i dunno, isn't tt as gd as sayin i'm goin to reject anitin tt's not more or less in line wif my current worldview? i tried to be open minded and skeptical at e same time. hmm no lets change tt again. open minded n discernin perhaps? hmm wateva.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 5:05 am

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Sunday, August 03, 2003:

hmm feels rather contrived. shall dispense with capitalisation. perfect spelling seems rather unnatural since i only use it in essays...

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:08 am

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Let me try perfect spelling, punctuation and grammar for once.

Truly, the guy floorballers rock. Congrats on clinching the title :) !! Haha heard lots about your tournament today from Gn. One tale really tickled me though.
The final was to be decided on penalties. SX the team goalkeeper with his inhuman reflexes saved the first two shots. On the third, SX made a sudden movement in one direction and yelled "BUTTERFLY" at the top of his voice. The player taking the penalty promptly lost his marbles and accordingly pa jiao-ed the shot. ROTFL. Yes, good job floorballers (and SX).
Oh and yes congrats to the girls team as well, team 3rd!

Hehe my older brother brought back his gf back home today since the rest of the family went to Malaysia. Nice girl, very pleasant disposition, witty too. They understand each other very well, from what I observed today. Somewhat uncanny in fact, how they second-guessed each other. They seem happy and I hope it works out, I know for a fact that my brother is ABSOLUTELY serious about her. She'd be a nice sis-in-law HAHAHA. She'll be leaving to study law in Britain in a month though, but since she gets about 5 months of holidays in each of the 3 years there, hopefully the distance won't be a fatal strain on the relationship.

Surprisingly, typing out the previous two paragraphs wasn't as hard as I thought. Let us resume.

Met up with Matt, Alina, Gn, Hanyan n Clara today for dinner at Pizza Hut. Chaotic at first since we had conflicting ideas of what to order. Ate my fill (4 large slices of pizza :) and enjoyed the great company, the jokes and the conversation. But still something was off-kilter. You could feel it in the air, a sense of foreboding. Well, yeah it was probably Matt's last outing with us before he flies off to Shanghai to accompany his dad on job posting. Matt didn't talk much today. Perhaps he'll have more to say to us at the airport next Saturday. How I wish, how we all wish he could stay.
Anyway, on a happier note, we went on a photo-taking spree today. Haha really good mindless fun :) For example we took a photo with the ice-cream man outside Paragon at my suggestion. OOPS hahahaha. Can't wait for the photos to be uploaded. Hope you enjoyed your ice-cream treat Matt :)

Ignorance is bliss. Wonder how true that is. Well I know that without many of the people who left RJ in the first 3 months, my world has taken a turn for the worse. Supposing I never knew them, would I be happier now? But then I wouldn't even have the fond memories they gave me. I don't know. I've been dragging my feet for quite awhile. Perhaps it's time to get going and move on.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:02 am

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Saturday, August 02, 2003:

time for a nice little song

extract from katrina (adapted) by david tao zhe

- - -, i can't stop looking in your eyes,
but my words dont come out straight,
i dont know what to say, no no,
on monday I tell myself "you gotta wait zhaf"
don't rush it, don't anticipate, take it slowly,
it's ok... it's ok...

and i just want the chance to know you
to know the woman deep inside
yeah, yeah
and i don't wanna look back on life
to see this missed opportunity
yeah, to get to know you
even at the risk of looking like a fool,
to you...

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:22 pm

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sundae stonin

yes once again sundae is here. like most sundaes (not tt one) e rest of e family has scurried off sumwhere, leavin me to be guardian of e hse. i realise i haf a very very long dae ahead of me, in an empty hse. dad hid e ps2 somewhere cos my little bro pissed him off, so there goes my source of entertainment, oh and did i mention my cdrom drive isn't workin... it's a beautiful dae ppl. hmm might as well run thru e things tt transpired on fri n sat.

like everydae this wk, i woke up fri mornin a reeli dry n sore throat. n i wuz thinkin "shit dramafeste later on". immediately rushed to e kitchen n guzzled down 1.5 litres of water.
sch was shittified as usual. stupid 350 dae. n yes 2.4... had to run tt despite feelin so tired. not e kind of tired cos of too much physical activity. e kind of tired cos... there's simply too much goin on.
few hours bfore dramafeste things reeli were comin to a head. my head was spinnin n my legs felt like givin way. promptly made my way down to sickbay to snooze.
sleep is a catharsis of sorts for me. enterin sandman's realm i am allowed the luxury of tossin aside e trappins of e wakin world. for awhile. yes, for awhile. worry makes a quick exit n i simply revel in e feelin of nothingness, of slumber or frolic in my dreams.
sleep reeli is e perfect stress reliever. after tt felt ready to do aniting. yea like performin on e judgin nite of dramafeste. upon returnin to e cast n crew it was apparent tt e adrenalin was flowin n everyone wuz psyched up. which was gd, cos we were e last fac to perform n we din wanna be tired when our turn came. reeli eerie, how jen told me abt e song tt wuz runnin thru her head e entire day. "we are the champions". jokingly i retorted tt it wuz a premonition, a premonition of things to come. haha little did we bof noe how correct we were.
fri nite's performance, we reeli gaf it our all. our voices rang loud n clear in lt1, n there were zero boo-boos. till e tribal council scene, where i promptly f-ed up. but reeli thanks josh n shane, for coverin up so damn well for me ^_^
waitin for e results wuz agonisin. reeli it was. and when the mcs announced "best play: players from medicine faculty" i juz wanted to cartwheel n flip 360 degrees. never in our wildest dreams did we think we'd get it. reeli. so mani screwups durin technical. a script tt seemed initially shitty n unworkable. haphazard rehearsin. but sumhow it clicked on fri nite. sumhow it did.
as i've sed bfore we never got to watch e other facs. haf no idea how they'd stack up against us. but alotta ppl sed arts shud haf won. well wat's done is done. nevertheless congrats to all e facs on puttin up a gd show and an entertainin nite for e audience, despite e f-ed up schedule and a miniscule amt of time to work wif.
to my fellow players... thank you it has been a pleasure workin wif u all. thank u for puttin up wif me n my idiosyncrasies, my toilet n sickbay n canteen retreats. OH THANK YOU JIA LI... thanks for gettin me e hamburgers, i'd be nothin wifout dem hahaha. thank u milly, shane, yihan, julie, jen, josh, huishan, daph, gill, ain, shuwan, sx, clarabelle, edward, dan n doreen, pam, keng piang, singyong n anione else i missed, thank u so much. WE DID IT :)
thank u audience for bein so fun ^_^ see y'all at dramafeste nxt yr...
now on to saturdae.

i dunno how but i sumhow woke up on sat mornin. considerin e fact tt i slept at 2+, wakin up at 730 wuz kind of a miracle. drained n maimed i took 156 to sch for bball. haha met mccurdy on e bus, he had to fetch sumthin from ri bfore goin for softball.
aniwae i wuz prepared for e worst todae. after all, GUANGYI wuz comin down. yes he has a reputation for dishin us commando trainin, like u start pukin halfwae thru it...
aniwae trainin started abit late... we had to move to ulupandan cc cos e bball courts in sch were bein used as a carpark (WTF???)... guangyi himself came qt late. aniwae it wuz tons more slack den expected. alot of basic stuff today, he works from e bottom up, n considerin most of us only reeli started halfway thru e yr... yea it wuz a gd policy. aniwae i reeli appreciated e fact tt he wuz speakin alot of english, cos usually he speaks in mandarin exclusively hahaha.
so yea he sez i shud plae forward. kinda glad to hear tt...
after bball lunch wif rencong n donald at ghimmoh... all 3 of us ate carrot cake haha. me bein me i cudn handle e chopsticks properli n made a horrendous mess of my food. oops
den wasted 2.80 takin taxi to civil service college for debates. tamade. but come to think of it... e debate rocked so yea mebbe e 2.80 wuz worth it ^_^. hmm i thought tt e debaters cud try tacklin a few more POIs tho... n stop grapplin wif definitions.
hmm personally i thought acjc, e prop, would haf an easier time, cos it wuz easier to substantiate their side of e argument, tt's wat i thought aniwae. but e rj shens made a better case n won lor ^_^. congrats to e team, esp crys who got best speaker for e finals n sheila, best overall speaker for e series. kinda thought timyap shud haf gotten best speaker, but yea my criteria mite be abit skewed compared to e adjudicators'...
aniwae caught up wif sooo mani ppl there. peeps like howard, who debated for e ac side, n of cos gd ol' timmy tay. david, e ac debate capt wuz a pri sch classmate. n lots lots more. ha n den dere wuz mr. benjamin kong. talked to him at length abt mani mani issues. ever e intellectual, n so full of gd judgment n wisdom. ure sharp wits n wry comments, ure quick mind... ure capacity to think... makes me think tt u r destined for much greater things. or are u happy wif e status quo? u deserve alot more den ure current lot ^_^.

hmm things seem alot easier. when u juz start livin n stop thinkin abt life. yea u move unburdened thru life, ure steps are so very much more lighter.

do u, or do u not know how i feel for u? i can't read u, n mebbe u can't read me either. i kinda hate how it all seems like a game sumtimes. cos it seems so mundane tt wae. mebbe to u too. cos my feelins for u run very deep. i juz, don't want to show dem. n mebbe even if i did, i wudn noe how to.
i cud be foolin myself. it cud be one sided. if it is, i hope it's a case of u bein neutral. cos then i'll win u over. cos if not, if u want me far far awae, den its game over.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 7:15 pm

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Friday, August 01, 2003:

HURRAH

WE WON! :)
reeli haf alot alot to sae... but juz too tired... another dae perhaps.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:19 am

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